2026 · Stockholm · Chapter 1 of 1
Table of contents 4 sections

HELLO

I’m back! As previously stated! Honestly I did wonder if I would actually be back, because we’ve had these false dawns before. But all evidence - by which I mean the fact I’m writing this absolutely torturous intro paragraph itself - suggests that I really am back in the swing of typing a load of shit about the mundanity of travel interspersed with some sightseeing and stuff. So let’s get going.

Everything starts at Farncombe station for me these days, ‘cos I live out in the sticks. Well, actually, everything seems to start with me wrangling about 5 different AI agents to generate all kinds of weird software from ideas I’ve had while clock-watching, thinking, shit, I really should go get the train. With Claude safely back in his box, and my head full of Christmas carols rewritten to be about racist twats (no, I’m not explaining that), I got the train to Woking. The train smelt smoky, like it was one from before the ban that had time travelled from 30+ years ago. Odd. At Woking I missed my coach - which, to be fair, was timetabled as a zero minute changeover - by seconds, giving me half an hour to kill. Woking’s not a great place at the best of times, and it was too early for the pub. Sort of. Anyway, I went for a walk just to do something more interesting than standing at a bus stop, waiting for a bus.

Interesting such as, I dunno, a coroner’s court?

Interesting such as, I dunno, a coroner’s court?

It’s really hard to find something interesting in Woking. I mean there are a few statues and stuff and I think HG Wells lived nearby or summat. But meh. Woking. 30 years ago my first ever full time job was in Woking. I don’t miss the place. But then! A cake shop that opens at midnight on Sunday! And a dry cleaners that’s gone full Lusitania!

The cake shop opening hours speak for themselves. But the dry cleaner, wow, that’s an interesting one.

I first noticed a sign in large print which said something like WE’RE SHUT BECAUSE OF THE EVACUATION. CALL US ON <mobile number> FOR INFO. I was like, evacuation? That sounds interesting. And then I noticed this headed bit of paper in much smaller print and read it: the council had basically said ABANDON THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY. And so they did - peer through the window and it just looks like a regular dry cleaner, loads of clothes hanging up everywhere etc.

But look closely! Look at the date! This place got emergency evacuated in 2023. Three years ago! What the fuck! Why is the building still in the same state? What’s happened to the business owner? What about all those clothes?

Woking! You had something interesting!

That’s enough about Woking

The next coach was on time, and pretty empty. I got the emergency exit row with the huge legroom and listened to true crime podcasts for the duration of the nondescript journey to Heathrow. At terminal 5 there were huge signs imploring folk to vote for Heathrow as the WORLD’S BEST AIRPORT. I was wondering about that as I joined the absolute shit show that was the security zoo. World’s best my arse.

Flying in economy and gone are the days of me having a shiny airline card, I tried to go to the Priority Pass lounge but the queue just to get to the desk and be told it was full was about 40-odd people. Meh. So I went in search of beer.

  • Wetherspoons … nah
  • Pilots… nah
  • Gordon Ramsay’s Plane Food Market … oh go on then

Never been here before. It was nice! Loads of people were waiting to be seated, I just walked straight past and plonked myself at the bar. Scanned the QR code and got a pint of meantime. Then dicked around with the phone’s Image Playground thing to make cartoony versions of stuff. It doesn’t do a terrible job IMO. I was a bit bored though.

By now I’d used up a lot of battery on my phone already, so I plugged it into my brick and instantly got a THIS DEVICE USES TOO MUCH POWER pop up. Ah fuck. The brick was trying to charge from the phone. It’s USB-C in only, and I didn’t bring any USB-A cables. Man fuck USB.

Checked my beer in on Untappd, mostly to get the venue. Untappd has relaunched, it’s version 5.0, they encourage you to check in soft drinks and stuff now. Er, no. The app looks … boring. Like it was generated by Claude Code and Claude Design. And front and centre it was telling me about “trending drinks” nearby. Apparently Guinness is popular. I mean what the fuck, really.

Time felt like it was passing slower than normally. I was bored. Went for a walk, a circuit of the terminal, until eventually plonking down on a seat near gate A1. I knew I’d be one of the last to get on board, and the flight was heaving to the point where staff were coming round taking wheeled bags of anyone in boarding groups 4 or 5. Thank fuck I’d opted for the rucksack. Eventually got on board and man, seat 28A felt cramped. Window though.

Despite all the announcements at the gate and the enforced checking of bags, space in the bins was still at a premium and I had to basically teach those around me how to efficiently arrange their bags to, y’know, be polite and make space for those yet to board. Argh!

Views were nice for a bit, it was kinda clear-ish over the UK, but then cloudy for the rest of the flight. The seat felt narrow. On BA you get a free snack these days, which is tiny but the one I had - some corn thing - was absolutely bloody lovely tbf. I was gonna get something a bit more substantial, having not eaten since a sausage roll in Woking, but service didn’t reach row 28 before we were descending. Still, at least the wifi worked pretty reliably for the whole journey so I could complain about everything to Chris.

T5A

T5A

Arlanding

I’ve flown into Stockholm Arlanda before, but I don’t remember that just before touchdown you go over another airstrip, and then a lake. Felt a bit perilous briefly tbh. Landing was smooth but the brakes were applied so hard it felt like an emergency.

We taxied past the 747 that’s a hotel. It looks like it’s seen better days.

Sitting all the way at the back I expected it to take ages to get off. But they attached some stairs to the back door, so I was off fairly sharpish in the end. Down to the ground, into the terminal, up the stairs, along the corridor, back down the stairs again. That seems unnecessary.

I’d read horror stories about the border, specifically here at ARN, since the European Entry/Exit System came into force. They even announced it especially on the plane, pointing out that queues at immigration are not the airline’s fault. I’d filled out my details on the “Travel to Europe” app, which only supports Sweden and Portugal for now, but even so I’d read that doing this doesn’t make much difference.

Well, I joined the queue in, I estimate, about 50th place… and got through in 10 minutes. The non-EU citizen queue was moving at about the same speed as the one for EU folk, and once the locals had finished they started directing us foreign types to the spare desk. Most people were being photographed and fingerprinted, I didn’t need my digits scanning - presumably because I’ve had them done already. No third degree, the only question I was asked was how many days I was staying. I reckon I was at the manned desk for less time than I was at the automatic kiosk in Spain.

Anyway. Stockholm! Went to get a diet coke and then wander down to the Arlanda Express.

The train station was huge, largely empty, and … carpeted. Who puts carpet on train station platforms? The Swedes, apparently.

The train runs every 12 minutes and only takes 18. It’s properly nice inside, with all wood panels and armrests and stuff, and really comfy seats with great legroom. And it’s pretty fast. They even tell you what speed you’re doing. No real views though, since it was dark. The only thing that really stood out was WESTFIELD: MALL OF SCANDINAVIA which was about the size of Godalming.

Stocktober

And lo! Stockholm! I’ve been here before, at least twice, but never stayed overnight. Once I arrived by train and left by boat, the other time I flew in just to fly out a few hours later, because of course I did.

Anyway, this time it’s Friday night and I’m wandering through the city centre. Loaded directions on my phone which talks to my Garmin. The city was busy but not, like, London busy. It was fine, and clean, and felt safe. There’s a lot of culture about, and it felt like it might be pretty-ish in the daylight but it also seemed pretty … boring. Normal. I guess I was in the modern bit, and there’s probably some seriously historical olde stuff around somewhere, but the walk from Stockholm C to my hotel was not it.

My hotel is every bit as stunningly located as the internet said it was, though, being right on the waterfront. And I’d booked a tiny box room, the cheapest they have, but ‘cos - unlike airlines - I have a shiny card, they upgraded me to a large sea view room! Woohoo!

I sat and chilled for a bit. Got on the wifi, decompressed from the travel, asked various AI bots where I should go for a pint. Oh and I ate the free local snacks that were on the table.

I also investigated ROCKTOBER, wondering if I’d somehow stumbled into a weekend of metal. I had not. ROCKTOBER appears to be a load of gigs that, err, aren’t in October. But tickets are on sale for a 20% discount during this week, or something. I dunno. Odd. But no Behemoth for me. Sadness.

Also sadness: the small print on the 15% discount voucher that says it doesn’t apply to beer. Oh well. I left, opting for the stairs since I was only on the first floor, even though they’d told me at reception to use the GOLDEN ELEVATOR.

The AI suggestions for beer were a bit shit. I walked towards this place called Side Pour, which is a beer hall. Didn’t fancy it when I got there, but next door was an Untappd verified venue called Barrels. So I had a double burger and a pint. Well, not a pint, a 40cl. And some chips. Ordered with my eyes rather than stomach, but luckily the portions were pretty small. Delicious though.

Google’s little AI generated “know before you go” panel said that my clothes might end smelling of burger afterwards. They do not.

Walked back to the hotel for a nightcap before the bar shut at 10pm. Sat at the bar, had a nice local IPA, then a lager, then the IPA again. The bar did not shut at 10pm, only the kitchen did. But, shit! I almost forgot I have to fast for 8 hours before taking my morning tablets, and I also needed to have breakfast at 7am. So the end of the evening was brought to a hurried close, and I went to bed on the softest mattress I’ve slept on in years.

Almost injured myself in the middle of the night, but that’s a tale for tomorrow. I’ve gotta run.