We’ve reached Peak content

Editor’s note

That clone, eh? It doesn’t seem to understand that “content”, in quotes, was the noun form. Y’know, photos for the ‘gram and stuff. Rather than satisfied, sated. Tom and I did not greet each other with a chorus of “content”.

I’ll stop referring to the clone so much from now on. It’s taking over this bloody thing.

My I-don’t-have-to-run day

Sunday in Hong Kong, then. I slept like a log after the exertions of Saturday, and got up bleary eyed and hungover. No-one was surprised at this. My 30 minutes nil-by-mouth from the Wegovy was almost up but I didn’t feel very hungry, just a banana would do me for breakfast. Yes, we have no bananas. Tom wanted to pop out to the shop anyway so I took a break from typing and joined him for a brief walk round the corner to the Wellcome supermarket.

Both he and Simon had assured me that the Hong Kong Observatory - HK’s equivalent of the Met Office - was being a little over dramatic about the weather warning that was in effect. They weren’t aware of what my iPad had told me was a significant threat to life or property.

I think Tom got mistaken for an estate agent, as he was pointing out the apartment complex’s swimming pool another resident walking past called across to warn me that it’s only open from May to October - in a kind of “don’t let him fool you!” sort of way.

The walk to Wellcome was also a bit of a guide to the neighbourhood. This bar’s good, this restaurant’s nice, here’s the bit where all the people turn up all the time to take their own version of a pic that floods instagram. I didn’t take that pic, instead I took a pic of the people taking the pic.

Bananas and Coke Zeroes purchased, back to the flat I had one of each and continued typing until Saturday was transcribed and described and what have you, and then we humans went out and got a really comfy Uber up to The Peak.

The Peak

Thing about the peak is that it isn’t a peak. It’s below the peak. It’s sort of peak adjacent. There’s a lot going on up there, tourism but also people live there so I guess it’s more of a, like, peak district? Maybe they should use that name.

Anyway. Straight out of the cab and into the restaurant for a proper brunch. We weren’t lucky enough to get a seat with a view, and we were unlucky enough to be next to the noisiest metal chairs that everyone, punters and staff alike, insisted on scraping against the concrete.

Tom went to the loo and sent me a picture from in there.

The menu had a corkage charge and a cakeage charge.

Brunch done we popped in the shopping mall. I’m still in Asia after all. My hosts needed to buy a new toy for the dog. Some delicious sounding food was available there.

I needed the loo and was on the verge of asking Google Translate how to say “shit or get off the pot” at my frustration about queuing for so long. Apparently blokes go to the loo just to have a sit down and watch Netflix for a bit around these parts.

Next up, a walk around the non-peak. Last time I came to the Peak was a full 20 years ago. I came up, it was completely shrouded in fog and I went straight back down. But today, the views were stunning and the humidity wasn’t even particularly punishing. No blue skies, but nonetheless, this was an absolutely wonderful trail, exactly my cup of tea. Here’s a load of samey photos, taken with that kind of “oh wow, a slightly different angle of what we just saw!” derision.

Here’s what to do if you see a wild pig. The other end, not in shot, was what not to do and seemed to include “engage it in a sword fight using your umbrella”.

The land bit of the walk was interesting too, loads of big trees and stuff. Tom was really excited about the temperature being bearable for the first time in months and that he might be able to bring Java up here for walks now.

Anyway. More photos across to Kowloon, the New Territories, or other islands.

It was bloody brilliant up there. Loved it. Would do that walk every day if I lived in the Peak district.

Back at the start, I bought a Coke Zero from the 7-Eleven that also had a considerable range of 9% sour beers for sale. OK then. Hung around with all the other tourists for a bit. Looked at trail maps.

Then it was time to descend from the peak that isn’t a peak on the tram that isn’t a tram. The Peak Tram is a funicular railway.

It’s fairly crowded and we’re at the back, facing up. The floor is very lumpy. It’s a fun ride. At the bottom we go walking, I’m not certain where I’m being taken but it involves going past this Anglican cathedral that’s just randomly among all the high rise offices and fancy hotels.

Mooching around Central

There’s adverts for IRONCOW Taiwanese food - beef noodles, unsurprisingly , and a Laotian Lisa Stansfield makes an appearance.

Time for a bit of half hearted street photography for the sake of content. There’s a lot of content around here.

Simon popped into an electronics shop while Tom led me up the mid-level escalators (which aren’t escalators, at least not all of them; they’re travelators). Our destination was a taproom, because of course it was. Yardley’s!

Had an absolutely delicious stout here. Simon returned to join us, and after the drink we wandered back down through the steep streets and bought some ice cream. Salted coconut for me.

Popped into RichKat taproom next door only to pretty much immediately leave, ‘cos we didn’t have time for a beer. Said our goodbyes to Simon who was heading home and to take Java for a walk, me and Tom walked down through Central and then Central Yards - a “horizontal skyscraper” that’s being built, as if building long things is as impressive as building tall things.

There’s a lot of veering. I’ve been hearing all day that folk in these parts just don’t walk in straight lines. No-one has any spatial awareness, or rather no-one gives a shit about it. People just veer in whatever direction they fancy and if there’s someone in the way then they give zero fucks. Some people are driven mad by this, I’m leaning straight into it and finding it hilarious.

Out the other side we emerged by the piers, ‘cos we was about to take to the water.

OMG this boat though

We’re at pier 9 waiting for the yellow boat that’s currently over there in Kowloon, picking some people up. As it approaches it looks like there might be children occupying the prime space in front of the captain with all the best views. They are not, in fact, children but just small adults who were far away.

Tom had bought me and him tickets for a 1hr ferry tour around the harbour at sunset and sorry did I forget to mention that it was an ALL YOU CAN DRINK ferry tour? I should have mentioned it was ALL YOU CAN DRINK. For the princely sum of just £8 per person, unlimited cooking lager (or wine or terrible spirits) for the hour’s ride.

This is one of the best things I’ve ever done. We had a 7 minute video call with Helen, so Tom could say hi but also so we could show off that we were on a boat in Hong Kong harbour at sunset for god’s sake. The clouds were sort of trying to clear and sort of not. The sun sets quickly at this latitude so it was fully dark by the time we got back. Everything was fucking brilliant.

I took what I thought was an amazing pic of this other boat as the light was fading, with very little behind it, but turns out it’s far too blurry. Thankfully Tom has given me this one to use.

We’d even gone up near Kai Tak, the famous old airport that I wish I’d had the chance to fly into. The whole ride was amazing, not just because it was all-you-can-drink. £8 for a sunset boat ride on its own is an absolutely ridiculous steal, and yet there were very few people on it. It was so, so good.

Back on dry land